I had a conversation with my daughter last night. Entering into a conversation with one of your kids should always be prefaced with a reminder to yourself that you will hear, at least once and possibly multiple times, and not necessarily in these words literally, but certainly it will be communicated, “You’re wrong, Dad” or “Ok Boomer”. Fortunately, I have thick skin and I know that any criticism comes from love. Nevertheless…
The word perspective came up several times. This is a word that I have referenced in many things I’ve written and on many subjects. It is very important at all times to keep this word and it’s meaning in mind if we are to have any chance of coming to an understanding, even if not an agreement on a particular subject.
Given the prevailing subject of late, we dove into it. We both speak English, but at times it didn’t seem to be the case. I could hear her words and I’m sure she could hear mine, but neither seemed to ring true for the other.
I have great respect for my daughter and her thinking process. I have no doubt regarding her intellectual competence. Yet, no matter what I said, she remained steadfast that the reverse was also true. I was really trying to agree with her in my head, but what came out of my mouth was anything but, with the exception of some basic stuff.
Most of the conversation keyed in on the two phrases; Black lives matter and All lives matter. We went back and forth, back and forth. Her main criticism of my position was (and I’m sure I will hear otherwise after she reads this if it isn’t the case) that the use of the term “All lives matter” was dismissive of the situation at hand. It seemed to also cover a broader scope than the one incident. To respond to someone saying “Black lives matter” with “All lives matter”, even if saying “All lives matter” is prefaced with, “I agree. Black lives matter”, is still dismissive and diminishes the seriousness of the problem.
As many times as that thought came across in our conversation, I could not get my head around it. I comprehended what she was saying, and I even saw some substance there, but dismissive? No.
So, our conversation ended after about an hour or so with the usual (and very sincere); I love you. I love you too. After which I continued on my way home. (I had pulled over in a parking lot on Hines Drive to have the conversation. My daughter was in Florida.)
Certainly, the end of the conversation didn’t end my thinking about the conversation. That went well into the night. In fact, it was probably about 12:30 am, about an hour after I had gone to bed, that a thought struck me that made some sense regarding why we might be talking past each other.
For the better part of 50 years now, my primary goal when it came to the subject of race was inspired by the memorable message that was prevalent since the 60s and the beginning of the civil rights movement. I dare say there are few of my age that don’t remember the words of Martin Luther King Jr. “Man should be judged by the content of their character, not the color of their skin”. That has resonated in my thoughts on the subject since those days.
So, what came from those words? As I thought back again, I was reminded of a phrase that I haven’t heard for quite some time now, but has always been the underlying foundation of my thoughts toward the subject of race. The goal of society was to work toward “color blindness”. We talked of a color-blind society that would come as a result of judging man according to the content of his character. Race was set aside. There wasn’t any talk of eliminating culture, but to set aside color as an identifier, since it seemed to be the point of judgement.
I’m not going to get into how successful we’ve been in that vein, rather, it seems to me that we have had a paradigm shift. Again, I’m sure you (and my daughter) will correct me if I have this wrong, but it seems to me that the emphasis is now on accepting and celebrating the different races, keeping them as identifiers (to some degree) rather than moving toward one race.
At this time, I’m not going to get into which of these philosophies is the better one. I’m not sure there is an answer to this right now. I’m just bringing out what I see as a sticking point in the discussion.
To be continued…